Contemplations One Shot
by ecilaaa
Summary: This is just a one shot of Satine thinking about her life before her performance before the Duke. Hope you like it, this is my first story


One Shot – Moulin Rouge

Satine gave her beautiful reflection a wry smile as she sat herself on the edge of the vanity table. Today was a very special day, one that might make or break her future as a 'real' actress. She pouted slightly as she leant forward, her hands reaching out and carefully cupping to support her face as she remembered her talk with Zidler.

"Now Satine, we have gotten word that the Duke will be coming tonight. Rumour has it that he wants to make you a star, a real actress at whatever the cost!"

"A real actress, a real actress, a real …" the words rang through her mind again and again. To be a real actress, well that was the goal of everyone at the Moulin Rouge, yet achieved by so few. She loved the Moulin Rouge dearly but sometimes she couldn't help but think that it was a sort of an alluring chasm, attracting young ambitious souls from far away with false promises of success and fame. She had come to recognise them. They came by the tens, each day, all with looks of fresh excitement and hope for the supposed limitless possibilities and turns their future might have in store for them. She had watched them, watched their whole persona change as they came to realise what was really in store for them. Day after day they would console themselves,

"Only one more day, just one more and I know, I just know that'll be the day. That'll be the day when I become a 'real' actress, a 'real' performer, valued by all."

They were always mistaken. The freshness of their mostly young faces soon got washed away with time and stress slowly etched itself on their faces as the days passed by, slower and slower, sometimes seeming not to move at all. Of course everyone was always _busy_ in the Moulin Rouge, what with all the incessant demand for the glitz and glamour of their performances, but what is a busy lifestyle to one who has had their dreams dashed and all their fantasies slowly torn up, bit by bit, a little more with each passing day?

"Satine, Satine!" Zidler's cries broke through Satine's reflections, and she quickly hopped off the vanity table, hand on hip as she flashed him a dazzling smile.

"Yes Zidler dear?" she asked chirpily, easily adjusting from her normal voice to her trademark 'Satine' voice.

"Satine, remember there are now only about two hours left before the performance, and the duke will be arriving in about one and a half hours. I judge you've memorised your lines and dance movements?" he asked.

"Of course Zidler darling, I have been rehearsing them again and again, on the stage and in my head too. I am rather nervous but I am so excited too!" she said over exaggerating slightly, knowing this was the response Zidler expected. Just as she thought, his face broke into a wide smile.

"Oh Satine dear, you shouldn't be nervous! The Duke will absolutely love you, everyone always love you Satine!" he said soothingly, putting a hand on her shoulder.

Satine gave him a shy smile.

"Oh Zidler, that makes me feel so much better, what would I do without you?" she asked.

"I'm sure you'd be just fine and .. " he started to say before he got interrupted.

"Oh Satine, I must go now, but I'll come back and tell you when the Duke arrives."

"Alright then!" she called out as she watched him walk off.

She turned back to the mirror and slowly started to comb her hair. Although no one would ever say it to her face, she knew that everyone at the Moulin Rouge was counting on her to impress the Duke. If she succeeded, not only would she become a 'real' actress, but she would also get financial stability for it and everyone working there. Always this incessant pressure for perfection. It reminded her of her days as a teenager on the brink of maturity. She gave a small sigh as she thought back to those days, days filled with darkness and sadness occasionally blighted with flashes of light and happiness. Whenever she thought about her past she couldn't help but think of Isaac, her first love, the suave Englishman who had swept her off her naïve little feet. Satine let out a sigh, but a smile broke through the confines of her controlled expressionless face.

"_I love you Satine." _

These four simple words had forever changed her. From them she had metamorphed from a scared little adolescent to a young lady in love. To have known it would end so soon after those four simple words had been said .. she gave a soft shudder at the mere contemplation of the thought. Of course looking back in retrospect she knew that it was never to be, but at the time Isaac was her whole world. To spend even a few hours apart from him caused her pain. He was her first love, her only love and he would be hard to forget.

Now came the part she dreaded most, the thought of their painful break-up. Although she would never admit it to herself, something had felt wrong that day, the air too stale, the wine she drank too bittersweet.

"_Satine, I'm afraid that we can no longer see each other. I am sorry and I wish I didn't have to hurt you like this but I feel I owe you the truth. __I thought that I loved you, but I now know that it was just infatuation, an incredibly close replication of love."_

Her eyes squeezed shut as she struggled to keep the tears from bursting out. She hated the fact that out of all her memories of Isaac, this was the one she remembered most vividly. She never again saw him after that day. She had heard word a few months later that he had moved to England and had married Juliet, his girlfriend prior to Satine. She bit her lip, refusing to let another sigh escape her. She didn't understand how he could've done that. She had always heard stories from his friends about how she had treated him so awfully, never making time for him or always pushing him aside, yet she had never heard him say one bad thing about her. Not one! And yet while Satine had always been so caring, so kind and most of all so true in her love for him, she was the one suffering from unrequited love.

"The duke is here, the duke is here!" cries echoed throughout the dressing room, causing Satine to jerk her head up. She saw Zidler rushing towards her, his face red from excitement and exertion.

"Satine dearest, the duke has arrived! The performance is on in a few minutes, so quick, put on the finishing touches to your make-up, and be ready to go out and give the performance of a life time!" he said, rushing off again to hurry up the other performers.

Satine turned back to the mirror and slicked on another coat of lip-gloss. She pouted and gave her cheeks a quick pinch, to give her a fresh look. Just a few more minutes and then she'd be on. She gave herself a glorious smile.

"Cheer up, amaze the crowd, be a star." She whispered to herself.

"Satine, it is now time for the show to start." Zidler called.

Satine got up and gracefully walked over to the stage curtain, waiting for the music to start. She tapped her foot, not a thought in her head now. There was just complete and utter silence. As she heard the familiar start of the music, she put on a smile and walked out onto the stage.

"Another day, another performance. My chance to be a 'real' actress."

Little did she know that today would be the day where everything would change. Today, she would meet Christian.


End file.
